Forgiveness …
Why is it so hard to forgive someone ? Is it because we want the other person to feel exactly how we felt ? Is it that we find ourselves asking , why should we forgive when they brought this upon themselves ? Is forgiveness a sign of weakness ? Would I lose family or friends if I forgive this person? Please note, when I say “Them”, it can refer to family, friends, boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse, your boss, coworkers, etc. The decision to forgive is yours ! If you decide to forgive, the ones that truly care about you will still be there for you. Your friends, coworkers, boss, and family should not be the reason you choose not to forgive or even reconnect. At the end of the day, you are the one that have to sleep/live with that decision. So take a moment to think about how forgiving that person/situation can impact your life.
I want you to know your emotions that came behind that hurt were/are valid ! The questions you are needing answers to/closure on, are understandable. Making compromises going forward is okay, after that trust has been broken. Don’t ever let someone guilt trip you into thinking you are the reason why they did what they did. NO, they are the reason you were put into the situation to even have to forgive. Think about it, before it got to the point of hurt/forgiving, where was the communication? where was the check-ins? The reassurance? The HONESTY? Please don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. You had/have every right to feel the way you felt from that betrayal.
The question one must answer (even if you don’t want to, eventually you will have to) is how long are you willing to hold on to that grudge ? How long are you wanting that grudge to rule your life? Please understand that forgiving someone doesn’t always mean reconnection. Forgiving someone doesn’t mean you are weak. Forgiving someone doesn’t mean you have to forget what the person has done to you. Forgiving someone doesn’t mean acting fake. Either you forgive and move forward, or you forgive and go your separate ways. It’s not fair to forgive and reconnect, but you constantly bring up that hurt over and over again. You made that decision to forgive, so move on (easier said then done, I get it. I am human too).
Just know I understand that whatever happened, hurt like hell. I understand that you want to keep reminding them of that pain they caused you. I understand that forgiveness takes time. Just remember if you choose to forgive, you are saying I am willing to move forward. That hurt was/is a teachable moment for that person. IF they really care about you, you shouldn’t have to revisit the topic again because they heard you the first time. There is a difference from expressing your feelings on how that hurt affected you/letting go/person changing their actions for you, than having to forgive that same hurt over and over again in a new situation (read that again). Just know forgiving is not only freeing , but you are taking your power back. You are taking your authority back. Note, when you don’t forgive that person/situation, they still have control over your peace, your mind and your health. Forgiving someone may have you feel weak, but remember you are stronger than you think. I know It’s not going to happen overnight, but you have to start somewhere …
Stages to consider in the forgiveness phase (Thriveworks.com):
1. Acknowledge - the emotions/hurt/pain. How long ago was it ? What was the scenario ?
2. Consider - how has that pain affected you ?
3. Accept - accepting you cannot change the past, it happened.
4. Determine - will you forgive this person ?
5. Repair - either repair and move on or forgive and move on .
6. Learn - learn from that hurt and decide what you will and wont accept going forward.
7. Forgive - forgiving someone doesn’t mean you have to actually go and talk to that person. Forgiveness can be done in silence as well. It’s whatever makes you comfortable.
So some questions for you today are: Do you want to be at peace? Are you finally ready to move on from that hurt? ARE you willing to forgive? IF yes, I am proud of you ! IF NOT, I am still rooting for you; YOU GOT THIS !
PS: Healing looks good on you (:
